Who I Am

It might sprout into your mind now, a question, as to who precisely I am. That is a very hard question to answer, and a very good question.

How do you define a person? With a word? With a phrase?... With a song?... With an emotion?

I define people as currents, feelings, a palpable touch, a colour. To give you an idea of my identity, I will try to... identify myself.

My name is Alexandryne Rosa Maria Isabella Skyfaller. I am over five millennia old. I have had many titles over the years. I am... the Blood One, the Ruby Maker, Child of Xeno, that's the basic idea.

As an introduction, I look 15. I am 15, I guess, going on 16. But I was dead for a few thousand years, so that doesn't really count. My name in my last life was Alexander Cross, and I lived at a time farther away than human memory can reach.

Now for labels that you humans are so very fond of now... I was gay, then I was straight, then I was asexual and aromantic (I'll explain that later). I am disorganized, and private, and have trust issues, and proud. I am protective and fierce, and calculating. I am also relatively sociopathic. I have very much been desensitized to human needs, I have no sympathy anymore, and have gone a bit towards the self-pity for my tastes.

I am a Therian, and a Caster, and an Arapanian, and had powers beyond your wildest dreams. I was bloodbound to one of the greatest Gods of all times, sharing in his magic.

I was THE most powerful mortal in all of existence. I could make even the greatest of Demonai tremble with a look. I could kill men with my fingers. Fire leapt across my skin and I had such magic in my blood that you could hear it sing.

I was unrivalled.... more powerful than even many of the gods.

Until three months ago.

What This Means

I have tried to tell my story in the past, but for whatever reason it goes unfinished -- unexplained. I get half way through a blog, half way through a story, half way through something I want people to know and I can't finish it.

My story is scattered, my ideas rattled and unfocused, but I want this. I WANT to have something... here.

I have stopped telling people my story as in the last three months, it seems to have ended. But I watch people move on, and new ideas sprout, and I want to tell them the truth... how the world works, how everything is, but I can't. I'm trapped, trapped by all that I was. I can't even ignore it.

I can't connect with the people I used to. I don't see the point in fighting for what I know anymore simply because what we were fighting for is gone. So I let them move on... let them go onto new dreams. But not me. 

This is my sentence. To remember. To be cursed with the knowledge.

To be alone.

If I gave you this link, I gave it to you in the hopes you would read it... and understand. Understand everything that I was, that I used to have, that I could offer. If you are closed in your mind, or if you refuse to believe no matter what I say... then please, stop, tell me you won't try, and leave it there. Do not insult or ridicule because if I gave this to you, it was out of trust.

If you found it, then feel free to read and understand. But do not try to find me, do not try to follow me with questions, and do not ask for my help. Those days are gone.

I am human... I am human now.

But I am not like you.